Behind the scenes at the ad agency: the DVD piracy campaign

"Okay, here's the idea--   [deep voice]   You wouldn't lie on your tax return... "
"Sorry mate, I don't think that's going to work.  What else could we say?"
"How about: You wouldn't take office stationery home for personal use"
"But they would, wouldn't they?  Any more?"
"You wouldn't - um - you wouldn't take illegal drugs for recreational purposes?"
"Not every day, at least. "
"We could turn it around, though: You would bend the law and commit minor infringements when you can't be bothered about morality, but don't do that with DVDs, ok?"

Coping with stress

We were given  stress card at work to monitor our stress level through the day.  I used to get quite stressed, but not so much thse days: I waver between blue (calm) and black (cilinically dead).

Overheard

"Wait - you guys have got history?"
"History, biology, physical education - the whole curriculum!"
"What part did you fail on?"

Overheard at the gym

"To tell the truth, I'm not that bothered about losing weight: I'm more interested in losing width."

Rock band name generator

A few suggestions:
NSFW
lol
redlink
TB:DR
H1N1
Cervarix
The Moat Cleaners
Edit war
Special guests
Huggahoody
Stealth tax
Troper
BLIX
e:zing
What the thunder said


.. or is that the new music stage line-up for Glastonbury 2010?

The reality of the Self Help section

Overheard

marketeer #1 "How did the pitch for the animal hospice account go?"
marketeer #2 "Badly- they didn't like our strapline."
marketeer#1 "What was it?"
marketeer #2 "Die like the dog you are."

Atheist buses

After all the row over the 'There's probably no God' adverts, there's a sign generator at
http://ruletheweb.co.uk/b3ta/bus/

Overheard

Image Wikimedia Author Sergiodarkblue


"I met Pink once at a party. I couldn't miss the chance, so I asked her if she wanted to go upstairs and make out.

She looked me up and down and said 'You wouldn't last five minutes!'

'That's all it takes, love,' I told her, 'that's all it takes'."

The Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse: boredom

We are certainly living through interesting times.

It's a shame they're not more interesting interesting times, though.

Allowed lists (comedy script)

I was talking to my wife* yesterday about allowed lists. You know- the lists of celebrities you're allowed to sleep with, should the chance occur, without any question. For a lot men, it's easy: their Allowed List is a Girls Aloud list. I'm a bit more sophisticated than that. I haven't really given it much thought, but my list would be: Kate Bush, then maybe Katherine Heigl, in fact any of the women off Grey's Anatomy, or better, all of the women off Grey's Anatomy ... sorry, just drifted off there. Anyway, the point is, it doesn't matter who's on my list, because it's not going to happen. It's not worth even thinking about. No, it isn't.



But all people, it seems, have these lists. And celebrities are people too, in a way. You can imagine Guy Ritchie asking Madonna one day who's on her list, and she says "Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Chris Martin". Next awards ceremony she goes to, she has the night of her life.



* My pretend wife, that is. My real wife has ticked the 'no publicity' box.

The Modern Dictionary

The Modern Dictionary

Tory boy

David Cameron's policy on addressing the rise in the number of obese people is to tell them to help themselves. No David, that's not going to work: they're doing that already.

The Times Online have, alas, retitled their version of the story after spotting the potential for misunderstanding.

The commodification of exercise

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Of course, it is possible that the gym is being a responsible business and catering for its users who want to work out but cannot cope easily with climbing stairs (people needing physio, for example). But it doesn't look as if the people on the way in are in that category. One of the triumphs of modern culture is the packaging of exercise as a consumer activity that involves clothes, a venue, and money: you are offered the chance to effectively buy, or, perhaps, more accurately, rent, fitness at a rate of so much per hour. It is a triumph, because it works. I can remember thiking how handy it was that the gym is so close to work. It took a while to spot the flaw in the thinking. In how many lifts in how many office blocks around the world is someone saying at this moment as they step in "I won't get a chance to work out today".

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The Modern Dictionary

Overheard

"You know my philosophy- If life gives you lemons, make lemonade - it's just, sometimes, I get sick of lemonade."

Overheard

"We aren't allowed to use negative words like 'problem' or 'failure', so I said we were up Issue Creek challenged by having no paddle."